Country Field Mouse or City Sewer Rat?

Now there's an interesting twist on things.  I don't normally blog interesting articles.  But when provoked, or the inspiration hits, get outta the way.  Here I come!!  Mostly...I've got a point to prove.

I've lived in the same house I was born and raised in.  Well, of course I was born in a Hospital, Providence- I wasn't born in a barn.  Though I don't think it would have made much difference.  Jesus Christ was born in a barn after all.  My property seemed an expansive 300 acres when I was little but now that I'm grown, I realize it's only 3.  I've got a mild case of Claustrophobia I feel...or at least, something about my city caused it.  Throughout my 19 years of life I've watched two lane country roads turned into five lane main-stretches, neighborhoods and houses erased from the map and a new road put in, properties squashed to fit more roads in, and apartments, pharmacies, and banks rising all in between so more people could use those nice roads they were paving.  Or...the other way around maybe?  It all happened so fast I couldn't figure it out. 

They call it a booming economy, but that sounds like circular reasoning because the more they build the worse the economy gets. 

I was born with a disease.  The doctors thought I was jaundice, but that's just my olive complection.  I was almost premature, weighed around six pounds, ...but apparently the doctors dismissed me from the hospital as a healthy baby.  What nobody knew was that I had a disease with no name.  Even my mother didn't notice my disease  until almost a decade later.  All my life I dreamed of hundred acre pastures filled with horses and cows and goats.  Expansion, exploration, freedom... it courses through my veins.  ....(and ...I just donated blood this past month...sorry.) 

So my point is, in my elementary years, my town was still a pretty unmapped city.  Now it has a bigger label than the state capitol.  My disease was always there, but just like allergens cause allergies, my disease didn't surface until the city became...an irritant to my condition.  

So, I've decided that as soon as I get my break, I'm headed for the big country.  But, certain people keep trying to crush my dream.  They act like I shouldn't even try.  And then I wonder, Why do city people run to the country and country people run to the city?  Well, some do but I wouldn't say everybody does.  I've been told TOO many stories of kids who were raised on a farm and HATED their parents and RAN to the city where they lived happily ever after and then died at a young age.   Well, I'm assuming they died early since I have my thoughts on the city.  Never have I heard a story yet where a kid was raised in a rapidly expanding metropolis and ran to the country.  But you're about to hear one. 

The purpose of my article is to weigh the pros and cons of city life and country living.  It would seem, country living is no longer a part of American life.  Our television shows, our radio talk, our novels, our news- everything is about the city.  America's agriculture and livestock is only covered in "exclusive" National Geographic articles.  Fewer and fewer Americans are self-sufficient.  And I believe the reason there was a shift was because the government made it hard on farmers and made the city seem more profitable.  In fact, at one time the city was profitable.  So greedy, money-hungry people flocked to the cities.  Then, nobody wanted to work the land, so machines took over, and now, America is being fed by a very large ratio.  I believe one farm feeds approximately 1000 Americans. 

But let's talk benefits.  This is all about opinion.  But I'm going to make it fact.  And we're not just talking country but self-sufficiency.  And we're not just talking suburban, we're talking Mega-apartment-rise city.  Let's start with the city:

DisAdvantages of City Life:

1. Putrid air
2. Increased chance of automobile accident
3. Spread of disease
4. Stress
5. Radiation
6. Noise
7. Crime
8. Regulations
9. High Taxes
10. More services - BUT MORE BILLS
11. Grouchy, stressed strangers
12. Competition for services
13. No trust, kinship, good customer service (Sam Walton would turn over in his grave if he only knew)
14. More likely to be mugged, have your identity stolen, etc.
15. You look out your front window to see your neighbor's window.... (sigh) the blinds are ALWAYS closed...but then,...there was that one time they were left open...and you saw your neighbor walking around his house in his underwear.
16. Noisy neighborhood dogs.
17. Neighbors.... the good, the bad, and the unbearable.
18. Treated water.  That's right.  It's treated. Treated.
19. Spread of contamination and effects of chemical spills
20. Pathetic architecture.  Prefab homes.  Cookie Cutter houses...built right on that old landfill.  (I'm an individual...just like everyone else.  See that little window way up there?...with that little porch in front of the door...that's my pad. Yeah, no, over to the right four porches, yeah, there...that one with the door and shutters and the window...with the little porch, over there.)
21. Power lines and billboards...fantastic view isn't it?  Thanks Lamar.  But I came outdoors to...never mind. 
22. Haters.  Where are your friends when you need them. 
23. Cost of living.  Everybody wants your money.  That's why you came to the city, right? 
24. Disaster?  Everybody will share and play nice....right?
25. The need for a psychiatrist
26. Can't see the stars
27. When it rains, you spend money.
28. If it doesn't match, you're toast.

Advantages of City Life:

1. Good health care (usually)
2. Accessibility to Businesses and Work and airports
3. FancyShmanshy office and corporation jobs that pay way too much for
4. Safety in numbers (or do you believe in Terrorism?)
5. Ability to lie, cheat, steal, or trick someone and never run into them a second time
6. Ability to have fame: perform in an orchestra or sports coliseum, meet a star (depending on where you live and if you care)
7. Have nobody remember your pathetic name and face.
8. People notice what you wear.  Glamour matters.
9. Good services.  If power goes out, it will be restored quicker.
10. Cultural diversity... with a grain of salt.

Disadvantages of the Country Life:

1. Distance.  It's a drive to town for the bare necessities.
2. If you get hurt, the hospital might be a ways.
3. No opportunity for fame and fortune.
4. Nobody cares what you're wearing.  Just please, wear something. 
5. If it breaks, you fix it.  If you can't find it, you build it.  But then, for most of us who dare, that's not a problem.
6. They invented Duct tape.
7. If you cheat, lie, steal, or double-cross, we will remember you.  And everybody will know. 
8. Quick cash is harder to come by.  You have to work for it. 

Advantages of the Country Life:

1. Disease doesn't spread.
2. Low pollution
3. Low radiation
4. No noise
5. No crowds
6. No crime
7. Low taxes
8. Quality products, goods, and services
9. Barter, trade, or buy for an honest price.  If they like you, they might just give it to you.
10. You know names and faces and may even have a few close friends who never let you down
11. Friendly neighbors and strangers, if you ever meet a stranger.  Strangers all seem to prefer the city.  Never seen on in the country yet.
12. Self-sufficiency
13. Band together in disaster
14. Animal companionship
15. No smog, clean air,
16. Clean water
17. Fewer bills
18. Easier schedule, less stress, more peace
19. Lesser chance of death by crime or automobile accident
20. Simple life.
21. Beautiful pristine scenery.  (you are after all on vacation every day.)
22. Sporting game opportunities
23. Fewer restrictions, fences, regulations, laws, and ordinances (unless you're on a state wildlife reserve)
24. You learn first by experience first and then read up in books, while all those city kids spends years learning from a book, only to learn from experience years later. 
25. Pride of ownership
26. Personal touch in EVERYTHING
27. Individuality
28. No need for psychiatrist.
29. You can see the stars
30. When it rains, you dance.
31. If it doesn't match, it doesn't matter.

So there we have it.  Plain and Simply.  Country life wins again!!  Naturally, not everyone is suited for the country life.  But for those of you wondering why city people run to the country and country people run to the city.  Know this, the country-fleers are greedy, sticky-fingered, dumb-fools who got thrown out of the country community by a bad reputation.................and the city-fleers are the wised-up who couldn't help they weren't born in a barn and want to get away from the greedy, sticky-fingered fools.  Oh...and the Metropolis pyschiatrists can't help them.  Their disease is far more spiritual than mental.  The country woos the spirit.  The city woos the eyes.