Up or Down?

                  The toilet seat issue has become a pet peeve of mine, especially since my little brother came into the family.  Now, being a woman doesn't make me partial, and I have done research on it before writing this article.  I'd like to know first of all, why men don't worry over bathroom hygiene like a lot of women do.  I've had many, many early mornings where I make one of those blind trips.  (Amazing how humans can walk to the bathroom and back with their eyes shut...some to the kitchen)  And the trip is always done in the dark with perhaps one little dim nightlight by the sink. 

                 But imagine, happily and sleepily chewing on that morning's plans (and it is currently anytime between 2:00 AM and 4:00 AM)  and you return to your bed...underclothes sticking to you...because you either sat in something very warm or very cold depending on how long ago that last made a night trip.  And you know it was your little brother's fault, but he's lucky enough to be sleeping right across the hall from mom and dad...so you decide to wait until later to kill him.  He's lucky...because by 7:00 AM you've dried off and sleep has eroded some of that murderous anger that one gets when one sits on such a thing. 

              That is why I sometimes think about waiting until after one of my sisters has made a blind trip down the hall.  (somewhat evil grin)  So I think to myself, this horrible, sticky-wet early morning could have been more restful if the lid had been raised... WRONG.  Because then it would have been left up...and I probably would have had a worse night.  This brings up the issue- should men leave the toilet seat up...or down?  Well, one of my research sources did a mathematical study on the wear and tear on the toilet seat if men had to raise and then lower it with every visit.  His study showed that it was only an act of kindness for the spouse and that women find it convenient because in the end, they neither have to raise or lower the seat except when cleaning.  Therefore, they do essentially no work, and the man ends up doing twice the work.  I partway agreed with his study but felt that the same amount of wear would be done on the toilet if a man left it up and the women had to put it down.  Like he said, it's an act of kindness for the women because it makes no difference who puts it down. The seat will eventually wear down. 

             I have one of those nifty little seats that lowers itself slowly and noiselessly.  When first introduced into our home, it caused a little problem when visiting homes deprived of such a nice little convenience.  Giving their toilet seat a tap to send it slowly lowering into place I found that it only smashed into the other porcelain lid with an embarrassingly loud BANG!  I quickly learned.  Now, don't ask me how, my cerebellum has taken over the task, and wherever I go, without a second though, I can lower a toilet seat down gently, and let mine fall on it's own. 

          So, this is my case.  There are three usable parts to the toilet's top.  The first lid, which is excellent as a seat (hospital station, foot prop for toenail cleaning, etc), the second lid (we all know what it's for), and the the third area (when the second lid is raised for cleaning).  I'm sure everyone knows that the sink and toothbrushes should be more than six feet from the toilet because studies have shown that vapors from a flushing toilet spread six feet in every direction.  It is also hygienic to leave the first lid down while flushing!  It is also hygienic and proper etiquette to leave the first lid down after usage.  This means that no matter what lid you raise, you must lower the first lid before exiting the bathroom!! 

       Now this doesn't make unfairness because men have to lower two seats before leaving a bathroom and women only have to lower one!  The outcome is simple.  If you are a proper and hygienic person, you automatically lower as many lids as you need to get the first lid (which probably has a pretty little rug covering on it) down before you flush.  This case is closed!